Full body contact

We need to teach our children that hugs are like everything else: moderation is the goal. Not everyone we meet deserves a hug. It is a more intimate human action and should be reserved for those we have personal relationships with.

“Have you had a hug today?”
That was a popular bumper sticker a few years ago. And no wonder. This form of human contact can soothe the soul like no other elixir. The experts tell us human touch is vital to mental health. So hugs are good, right?
Well, it isn’t that simple. Ask any school administrator. Many school districts ban hugging as a subset of the broader taboo, “public displays of affection.”
In elementary school, hugs seem harmless enough, but even there some schools take precautions. You’ve heard the wild news stories of the youngest students expelled or otherwise punished for hugging. And teachers who might have once encouraged the youngest students with a hug would hesistate to today.

Parents of middle or high school students observe from the car pool lane just how much hugging goes on. It seems that whenever two or more adolescents gather – at school, at church, at community events – a hug fest breaks out.
Most often, it’s girls. Girls are often people pleasers, and if hugging is the accepted form, they jump in with both arms.
Hugging itself isn’t the dilemma. It’s more a question of the how, and sometimes, who. This is where we need to do some quick educating. We taught them how to tie their shoes, brush their teeth, and cross the street. Now we need to teach them the art of hugging so it stays in the “friendly” arena and doesn’t slip into the realm of the hormonal.

I break hugs down into three categories: the less-than-two-second “almost hug,” the one-armed side-by-side squeeze, and the full-frontal body embrace. It’s this last one that causes mommies to gasp when we see our sweet, young eighth- and ninth-grade baby girls in the arms of young men almost big enough to play tackle for the Tigers.
As my good friend Gwen Price Thibadeau, a former Auburn High School English teacher and AU grad said, “Human beings crave hugs and affection, but relationships must exist first. Hugs are personal. How you hug says a lot.”
Girls tend to see hugs as a sign of friendliness. Guys may tend to see them as sexual. We are talking about adolescents here – hormones, anyone?

We need to teach our children that hugs are like everything else: moderation is the goal. Not everyone we meet deserves a hug. It is a more intimate human action and should be reserved for those we have personal relationships with.
Am I against hugging? Absolutely not. I think the world needs more hugging, and it begins with the parents. Go home and hug your children today. Every day. Especially that high school kid who thinks he or she is too grown up. It’s OK to give the full frontal.